Here's the link to the article I presented today.

We Understand Perfectly: A Critique of Tannen's View of Cross-sex Communication

Whine much?

Why can't men...

This is the absolute worst piece of whining drivel I have ever read in my life. Okay maybe not the worst, but it definitely is a front runner. If she's still single I am absolutely not surprised.

Women want rich husbands

Women want rich husbands
It is sad to think that despite all the education we give women in Singapore, we still get responses like above. There is a part of me that wonders "Why bother spending all that money on our daughters for their education? We could just marry them off to rich husbands!"

A look at Gender Bending

A thought came to my mind during the last seminar session on thursday. How many movies can you name where a woman decided to dress up like a guy? Okay, now how many of them seriously challenged the gender roles of men? Most of the movies I could think of usually had an ending where the girl takes off her disguise and then runs into the arms of the man she's been deceiving all this time but was actually secretly in love with. Most other movies that I know of that requires women to exhibit characteristics we deem as masculine  tend to either portray them as lesbians or just plain "unfortunate". Perhaps it's because Hollywood is still male-dominated, from executives to the producers and directors, and to suggest that men might have something to learn from women is tantamount to heresy. Ok I finally thought of one movie, it's a favorite, but it didn't require any man to dress up like a chick. It was the 1991 film switch, where a jerk of a guy is murdered by his lovers and reincarnated as Ellen Barkin. Although her character displays typically male oafish characteristics, in the end she becomes "feminized" towards the ideal, and even gets pregnant! Go figure. We have a yardstick of power in society that is fundamentally male-centric. It requires women to adopt characteristics that we would describe as masculine to get ahead in the corporate world and in many other fields. Male dominated society is going to have a hard time accepting that they have anything to learn from women.

Is the Sensitive New Age Guy still around? Last I heard he was replaced by a typical Alpha Male, the Firefighter. Like Lakehoff said it's about power, and if you look like easy prey, I don't think that bodes well for you. 

As an aside, I suspect that Tootsie didn't offend senses at the time because Dustin Hoffman's character was still fundamentally heterosexual. Now if Michael were to discover at the end of the film that he liked the whole being Dorothy gig well... No prizes for guessing how that would have been received.

I recall a Madonna song goes, "Girls can wear jeans, and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, cause it's okay to be a boy, but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think it's degrading". The song was released in 2001 but I think that sort of sums up the prevailing attitudes of today. Women are still seen as the weaker sex, and not just in physical terms of course, but in other aspects as well, probably even intellectually. Of course I don't think there's any basis to it, but that's just the way it's been socially constructed. Men are trained to view women as the weaker sex and women are trained to view themselves as such. Woe betide any interloper who decides to overturn the order of things.

On the Myth of Mars and Venus

I've managed to browse through a couple of the blogs just now and I think I've come to the realization that I have been thoroughly "indoctrinated" by facebook. I've become so used to grabbing and transmitting information in snippets of less than 140 words that if I see something quite a fair bit longer than that I immediately skim through or don't bother at all. It could also be a result of the fact that I, like most of you, have a ton of readings to go through and simply can't afford the time, so I'll keep this short.

I had a quick read on the above mentioned topic yesterday and I think it brought up some interesting and salient points. I admit that the moment I read the word "power" I went "Oh... a feminist", but what she says is interesting and to a large extent I think it is true. Confining ourselves to the essentialist views of "Men and Women simply JUST think a certain way" is not going to do us any good and does not do justice to the diversity and adaptability of human beings.

Let me give you an example, one that I have encountered myself many times.
Me: Are you ok with that?
She: Yup. Sure. No problem
Me: Are you sure?
She: Really. It's no problem. Go have fun.
Me: Now you're making me feel bad. What's wrong?
She: Nothing is wrong! What's the matter with you?

I want to add that the above example is simplified to illustrate a point. The point is that women are just as capable of "straight talk" as men are, and do not always conform to the stereotype of "saying one thing but actually meaning the opposite". Men who subscribe to the stereotypes perpetrated by various "experts" are in danger of carrying those stereotypes too far. In other words, you thought that by reading the books you would become an expert in dealing with women, but in the end those set rules and stereotypes that you've kept as part of your mental framework for dealing with women has set you up for even more conflict.

What I've said doesn't just apply to the women of course. I simply am writing it from a man's point of view. Personally I've experienced many times where I have been "the woman", saying something is fine when actually I wasn't too happy about it. Although my motives are usually more out of desire to avoid conflict than to engage in "double-talk".

Food for thought guys, whoever is reading this :P

Hi y'all :P

Hi everyone. Gerald here. I'm sure if you can't remember who this is now you will eventually. I suppose I will keep this as a short introduction and then save the class related stuff for some other time.

I am a year 2 student in FASS. I used to major in Political Science but I swapped to History this semester because I was getting fed up with what I was learning. In my mind political science is a whole bunch of theory created by academics to explain the world that has almost zero application in real life. I like to frequently joke that "It's called realism for a reason guys, because it's real". So I moved on to History, which has a slightly more solid foundation to work on. Also, I seem to be able to write better history essays than political science ones.

I am quite an old undergraduate. I have spent some time working for the air force before taking a scholarship to come to NUS to get my degree. I am a qualified pilot and early in my career I used to fly F16s. I am now qualified to fly the Fokker 50 in the primary role of Maritime Air Patrol amongst other things which I am really not at liberty to say. Coming from the military and arguably one of the most testosterone charged professions in an already testosterone charged organization has meant that I do not suffer fools gladly, which can make me a little impatient sometimes. However as a people manager and having been on the receiving end of criticism before has made me more patient than I used to be!

I am looking forward to learning from all of you in this module. I believe that there is always something to be learned from others no matter what the age. Being older does not mean that I know everything because we are all limited by our life experiences, social circles, and our ingrained mindsets. I always tell people I didn't come to school to cruise along and it's not necessarily easier for me than it is for the rest. After all I'm starting off on the same zero to minimal knowledge footing as all of you.